Perception
by E-chan DOLL
Summary: A retelling of Shinji's betrayal at the hands of Tabris, the last angel. KS, AR
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Just your normal Kaworu/Shinji fic. I always thought that Kaworu's being an angel would've been more traumatic, and his reaction would've made more sense, had he known Kaworu longer. So this fanfiction is simply to bring Kaworu into the mix a little earlier than in the anime. This story might not follow NGE completely and I've added some of the manga aspects into the story as well. Hope you enjoy. Oh, and yes, it's Shinji and Kaworu together in a romantic relationship.

_"I want you to kill me..."_

Shinji trembled at the controls on Eva Unit One. He'd never seen such a look. The pale boy remained, seemingly untroubled by it all, in the Evangelion's grasp. A soft smile was on his face and his red eyes seemed to bore into Shinji with intensity capable of reading his thoughts. The younger boy stared at Kaworu, absolutely torn. What could he do? This boy... no, this angel, had betrayed him. Was he really so different from the other angels that Shinji had mercilessly destroyed?

How could a human shape change his perceptions so much?

The teacher was absent from the classroom that morning when the students arrived. Sitting in their desks, they waited awkwardly for a few minutes before they gave up and began to misbehave. Hikari, class rep, was trying to keep things under control as always.

"Hey! Don't throw things out the window!" she cried, running across the room to put a stop to such behaviour. "Oh! Stay in your seats!" She hurried back the other way, pigtails flapping. Kensuke, Toji and Shinji regarded Hikari from their seats.

"She's crazy..." Kensuke muttered. "Class rep... The title must've gone to her head!"

Hikari stopped by the boys' desks suddenly, as if she'd heard them speaking. But instead of scolding them, she only smiled and took something from her schoolbag. It was a square tin container wrapped in a bandana to make it look nicer. Grinning, she pushed the box across the desk to Toji who sat up a bit straighter as she did.

"It's good to see you're in your desk, Toji" Hikari said, beaming. "I made you lunch today. You never bring one." She gave the lunchbox a final nudge towards him, then went off. Kensuke and Shinji stared, mouths agape. The third boy gave them both glares but Kensuke ignored the warning.

"So... she your girlfriend?" the boy questioned, pushing his glasses up his nose and grinning.

Toji leaned back in his chair, sighing. "No. And I don't like her either."

Kensuke nudged Shinji and cupped a hand around his mouth to whisper, "She's already making him lunches like she's his wife!"

Shinji only managed an uneasy chuckle before it was cut abruptly short when Toji menacingly reached across his desk and grabbed Kensuke by his shirt collar. "What did you say!" he growled.

"Hey, calm down!" Kensuke cried, taken aback by the violent reaction. His chair tipped over and fell. Shinji stood up in his desk as well, alarm on his face.

"You'd better not spread rumours about us, got it?" Toji said in a low voice, barely heard by Shinji and not heard by anyone else in the class, though every pair of eyes was on them now.

"Okay, okay!" Kensuke said, waving his hands. Toji let go of him and the boy sighed, fixing his shirt. "Geez..."

"Shinji!" came a sharp, female voice. Shinji turned, spotting a girl by the door of the classroom with fiery red hair. Next to her was a paler girl with red eyes that were watching the floor and light blue hair, cut short only a little past her chin. The redhead gave him an impatient look and beckoned him over. He glanced at his two companions and gave them a shrug before walking over. The girl roughly grabbed his wrist and dragged him out into the hall, the other following them as well.

Shinji was a little surprised by how forceful Asuka was being and he couldn't imagine what it was she wanted to tell him about, or why she had Rei along. The three of them walked down the hall and descended the stairs that led to a lower floor in the school. Asuka pulled Shinji under the stairs and Rei went under as well. Only then was Shinji released from the girl's iron grip.

He withdrew his hand, rubbing his wrist a little. "What's the matter?" he asked, his voice a mixture of concern and annoyance. Asuka rarely paid attention to him in school despite the fact that they were living together in Misato's apartment. If Asuka was pulling him from class with Rei to hide under the stairs, it could only be something important. Most certainly related to the Evangelions.

"I heard something from Hikari..." Asuka said, whispering fiercely. "Our teacher was hurt by one of the Evangelions when his building collapsed."

Shinji's blue eyes widened and they darted from Asuka to Rei. Rei's face remained vacant as usual. "Are you sure?" he finally asked, a little uneasy sounding.

"I'm absolutely sure. Consider the source. Hikari heard it from the teachers this morning before class."

The boy hung his head, sighing. "Will he be okay?"

"That I can't say" Asuka shook her head. "But class won't be on for us today so we may as well leave."

"I guess..." Shinji mumbled, dejectedly.

The three of them exited the school and walked through the school yard. Asuka had resumed being her usual self. "Don't look so forlorn, Shinji!" she was saying, regarding him critically. "It could've been either of us that did it! And it certainly wasn't Wonder-girl." She was referring to Rei, naturally. The pale girl with the red eyes didn't say anything to the nickname, or rather, she didn't say anything at all. "Well, I'm going home!" Asuka boredly flipped her hair.

"I will go home as well" Rei said quietly and started off that way. Shinji watched her leave, bidding her goodbye, but she didn't acknowledge him.

"Are you coming?" Asuka asked him, shifting her schoolbag on her shoulder.

"I'll come home for lunch..." Shinji mumbled, stretching his arms over his head, trying to appear indifferent.

"I'm not making it for you!" Asuka informed him. "But alright, I'll see you later." She went off. It was a pleasant spring day out and the air was warm. The sky was blue, without a cloud to be seen. Shinji wandered about the school yard and settled himself under a tree. With his back against the trunk, only then did he allow himself to become afraid. His own teacher was in the hospital because of him, because of his own carelessness. Shinji didn't consider that he and Asuka were equally responsible for the destruction caused because both Evangelions had moved at exactly the same time when they had been fighting Israfel.

The boy pulled his knees up to his chest and hid his head in his arms. He remained that way for quiet some time, in an almost sleeping state, when a rustle startled him back to reality. Shinji jerked his head up, bleary-eyed and full of alarm. Standing nearby and regarding him curiously but with a smile was a tall, slender boy, roughly Shinji's own age. He was wearing the male school uniform and he had his book bag slung over one shoulder. His skin was pale, almost white and his hair was ash-coloured.

Shinji certainly wasn't a social butterfly, but he was an observer. He thought he'd known pretty well who most of the students in the school were and he was certain he'd remember a boy with such striking features as his. But in his recollection, Shinji had never seen this boy. Shinji reached up and wiped his face with one arm, blushing in embarrassment that he should be found like this.

The two boys remained still, eyeing one another with uncertainty. Then the pale boy turned and walked off. Once he was safely away, Shinji stood up on wobbly legs. He picked up his school bag and went off home, though it was earlier than he'd said he'd be home for.

On the stage there was only one lone figure. He stood cradling a violin against his shoulder. A white spotlight shone down on him but there was otherwise only darkness around. He closed his eyes, raising his bow, and began to play a sweet, but sorrowful melody. He swayed a little with his own playing, lost in the music and caught up in the moment, oblivious to the world around him.

For dinner in the Katsuragi-Ikari-Soryu household it was ramen noodles. Misato wasn't much of a cook, so it was always better to be on the safe side by eating instant food. Misato, Asuka and Shinji were sitting on the floor around a low table, slurping their noodles and watching the television. On the news there were reports about the latest angel to attack the city of Tokyo-3. Many details were left out, simply because the public wasn't as informed about the angels and the Evangelions as the pilots themselves were.

"I hope I never have to synchronise my movements with yours again, Shinji" Asuka sighed, setting her chopsticks down across the opening of her noodle bowl.

Shinji watched the shaky and grainy footage of their Evangelions in action. "The feeling is mutual."

Asuka sat back a little, putting her arms behind herself for support. "The next angel is mine to off by myself" she announced.

Misato turned and looked at Shinji with some concern. "Shinji, you look so serious. Is anything the matter?" she asked. Asuka looked at Shinji as well at this.

The boy shifted uncomfortably. "Well... I just hope our teacher gets better, is all..."

"In battle, there are causalities and sacrifices that happen" Misato replied. "We're pretty lucky that there hasn't been more destruction, actually." She took the moment to pause and sip her beer. "Just cheer up, alright? You're doing this for the greater good!" And she gave him a not entirely sober smile.

School began again the next morning, and as the students filed into the classroom, a new teacher was waiting for them. She introduced herself as Ms. Koichi and put them to work straight away. With his head buried in a book for much of the morning, it wasn't until lunch that Shinji happened to notice a new student present in the class. It was none other than the boy he'd encountered on the schoolyard the previous day. It was unlike Shinji to go up and speak to a stranger so he stayed put in his desk.

"Toji!" Hikari called, flagging down the boy as he'd just returned from the facilities. "I made you lunch again!" She handed it to him and he took it awkwardly, a blush present on his face. Kensuke watched the scene at a safe distance, looking on with amusement.

"Uh... thanks..." Toji mumbled, returning to his desk once more.

Hikari did her rounds in the classroom before she stopped by the new boy's desk. He was looking out the window but he seemed to sense her behind him and turned, looking at her.

"Nagisa Kaworu, right?" she asked. Shinji heard the name and raised his head, looking at the two from where he was sitting. The boy nodded slowly, smiling. Hikari returned the smile. "Welcome! I'm the class rep, Horaki Hikari! If you ever have any problems or questions, I'll be here for you. Now... I'm supposed to give you all your textbooks..." She went to retrieve them and instructed him to sign forms in case they got lost. Shinji watched them for a moment. As Hikari was leaving his desk, Kaworu turned and looked Shinji straight in the eye and the boy sat up, taken aback. Kaworu had red eyes just like Rei.

Rei wasn't eating, but just sitting at her desk and gazing at nothing when Shinji approached her. She noticed him and turned her eyes towards him. "Yes, Ikari?"

"Do you know that boy?" Shinji asked, gesturing towards Kaworu. "Nagisa is his name. Are you related? You look like you could be."

Rei turned her attention to the boy and then looked away quickly. "No."

"Are you sure...?"

"We are the same, but not related."

The answer left Shinji scratching his head but Rei had always been rather mysterious. He went and sat down again. Then Hikari approached him. "Ikari, would you take Nagisa around the school? He's new and doesn't know his way around. If you're late for class, I'll explain it to the teacher."

"Uh... sure." Shinji stood up. Kaworu was already standing, waiting for the other to lead him. Shinji walked out the classroom door and Kaworu followed him. The halls were mostly empty as classes began to resume. Their footsteps echoed loudly, as a result. Shinji mumbled, pointing to different rooms and saying what they were for. Kaworu looked at each one, apparently interested and trying to retain the information.

Kaworu was mostly silent during the first half of the tour but as they were descending the stairs he spoke up to say, "You're Ikari Shinji, aren't you?"

"Y-yes. That's right..." Shinji answered.

"I've heard about you and the other Eva pilots..." Shinji didn't say anything to that. "I'm also a pilot..."

Shinji whirled around, wide-eyed and stared at the other boy. "You're a pilot?"

"Don't be too surprised" Kaworu said, smiling. "As it turns out, many of your own classmates can be Evangelion pilots if the need ever arises."

Shinji looked quite shocked by this. "Did someone tell you that?"

"I just know."

"Oh..." As far as Shinji knew, there wasn't another Evangelion for Kaworu to pilot. Perhaps he was a spare pilot in case he, Rei or Asuka should find themselves unable to. The thought troubled him a little.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I decided I'm also putting a bit of Asuka/Rei in this story as well as K/S. So if this isn't your cup of tea, don't read. Or go die.

_  
"These are the pilots of the Evangelions" He spread three photos into a neat row on the table. "Rei Ayanami, Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langely-Soryu. Remember their faces, for these are the first, second and third children, respectively." _

_"Ikari... Gendo Ikari's son?"_

_"Correct. The two share a very strained relationship, they rarely interact. Befriend Shinji if you can, and learn about him."_

Asuka and Shinji were walking home from school late in the afternoon, after staying behind for band practice. Their shadows stretched long and dark behind them as they walked.

"Misato's working late tonight" Shinji said.

"Ah. Want to eat dinner somewhere nice then?" Asuka questioned, looking at him.

A while later they were seated in a restaurant, inspecting their menus. Shinji was blushing slightly, vaguely believing this to be some sort of "date". But Asuka didn't seem to believe as such. She was rather calm, and behaved as she normally did. Shinji couldn't see her face because it was hidden by the menu but Asuka suddenly spoke up after a long silent pause.

"What was that new boy like?" she asked.

"Nagisa?" Shinji asked, blue eyes peering over the top of his menu. He looked thoughtful. "Hmm... he's strange."

"I don't like him" Asuka said. "He reminds me of Wonder-girl. He's probably just as much of a doll as she is."

"Ayanami told me they aren't related... Well... she said they were the same but not related" Shinji had still been puzzling over the statement uttered by the first child.

Asuka's sharp tone surprised him a bit. "Who cares what she says! She's strange and so is that boy. We get to go to class with two dolls instead of one now!"

Shinji wanted to protest that Kaworu didn't seem to be like Rei because he behaved more openly... But he thought better of it. Kaworu hadn't shown any emotion either, in fact if he had no expression, like Rei, he would've thought them more similar. The difference was that Kaworu always seemed to smile, but Shinji didn't know if there was any soul in him.

"He said he was an Eva pilot" Shinji said quietly.

"If he is, he'll probably be a shit pilot, like Wonder-girl"

"But there are only three Evas so maybe he's a fill-in in case one of us... gets hurt."

"Obviously no one believes we can be decent pilots" Asuka huffed. She was apparently finished with the conversation because she announced what she was ordering to him. Shinji, unable to decide what he wanted, gave in and ordered the same thing.

After their meal was finished and paid for, the two, still in their school uniforms, walked together along the sidewalk. It was dark out but the streets were well-lit. Their stroll home was rather quiet, but then, neither of them ever really cared about filling the air with conversation. When they got to the apartment, the door was unlocked and they stepped inside, taking off their shoes.

Shinji was in bed a while later, lying sprawled across the mattress and gazing upwards with half open eyes. He was still preoccupied with the prospect of death or serious injury among the pilots. It was a wonder it hadn't yet happened, really. Piloting was dangerous. He shut his eyes and fading from the darkness inside his head was Asuka lying in a comatose state in a hospital bed... He quickly banished the image.

As Kaworu had said, it was revealed that he was in fact, an Eva pilot. The very next day at Nerv, Kaworu synchronized with Unit 00 without the least bit of trouble. His sync ratio was unusually high. News of this travelled around Nerv quickly and it was spoken of uneasily. Kaworu seemed to be like Rei, taking little interest in the world around him. In class he achieved high marks, always gave the right answer when called upon... but he hadn't made any friends.

Several weeks went by. Shinji was still in his plugsuit, and happened to notice his father standing on a ledge, leaning against the railing and speaking. Shinji was in a hallway but the windows gave him a view of the holding area where Unit 01 was kept. He slowed his walk as he was passing, looking out at his father. Gendo Ikari seemed to be conversing with the Eva. The boy stopped walking then, staring out the window in bewilderment. The Evas weren't aware; they were robots as far as Shinji knew. So it was odd.

Kaworu was strolling down the same hallway, eyes turned to the floor when he spotted movement ahead of him. Glancing up, he was a little surprised to see Shinji there, since tests had ended over an hour ago and the boy usually made a beeline home right after. Kaworu hadn't spoken directly with the third child since his first day of school. Shinji hadn't seemed terribly interested in him and to Kaworu he didn't particularly stand out from any other human being on the planet.

Still, he approached Shinji, going unheard by him until Shinji noticed a second face reflecting in the window as he gazed out of it. He jumped and whirled around, seeing Kaworu behind him, smiling as he usually did. There was something empty about his smile, Shinji had always thought...

"N-Nagisa" Shinji breathed, unsure of whether to feel relieved or not that it was simply the other boy there.

"Is that your father out there?" Kaworu asked, glancing around Shinji and out the window where Gendo was still engaged in his one-sided conversation.

Shinji nodded, looking rather glum. "Yeah..."

"The two of you don't exchange many words..." Kaworu observed, tilting his head upwards slightly. Shinji's dark blue eyes glanced at the floor.

"I don't really care about him" Shinji responded, flatly. Shinji had been wary of Kaworu at Asuka's advice. He'd never really obeyed the girl before, but he felt uneasy around Kaworu so it gave him an excuse to avoid him. Thankfully, Kaworu didn't seem visibly distraught over it; in fact, he seemed quite content to avoid Shinji up until this moment.

Kaworu turned then, his movements silent and graceful as usual. It made Shinji think of a dancer, how he could move so flawlessly. "I'll see you later, Ikari."

The other boy hesitated, his eyes darting around. "W-wait. Where are you going?"

Kaworu stopped walking but remained with his back facing Shinji. "To take a shower."

"You're here pretty late..." Shinji said quietly. "Did they keep you around for extra tests? I heard your sync ratio is pretty high..." His face reddened slightly.

"Yes. They did." Kaworu chuckled a bit and continued walking.

Shinji glanced out the window once more, deciding then and there that he'd be Kaworu any day rather than watch his father talking to nothing. He hurried to catch up to the pale boy who'd already gone far down the hall. "I'll come with you!" Shinji said once they were walking side by side.

Kaworu closed his eyes, smiling. "If you wish."

The showers were lined up in stalls with curtains separating them. The shower room was empty when the two of them walked in. Kaworu went over to his locker, peeling off his plugsuit and taking a towel from his locker. He hung the plugsuit from a hook where several other plugsuits hung. Shinji, through all this, managed to take in the other boy's lean, ivory-skinned form before he forced himself to look away. He blushed, knowing he'd been looking far longer than he should have. Really, he shouldn't have looked at all but Kaworu hadn't exactly given him a warning beforehand.

Only until Kaworu was safely gone into one shower stall, did Shinji timidly undress himself and go into the shower beside Kaworu's. He turned on the water and it cascaded downwards, hot and steamy. It was a welcoming feeling against his tensed muscles. The steam rose up from his shower and everything around him became cloudy and humid. He let out a sigh, not heard over the running water. He glanced towards Kaworu's shower but couldn't see the other's silhouette through the curtain. They were thick curtains, he supposed. Did he really have any desire to see the outline of the other boy's body?

As if on cue, the curtains were whipped back without warning and Kaworu near invited himself in to Shinji's personal space. Alarmed, the boy pressed himself back against the other curtain without falling over, eyes wide and blushing with embarrassment. Kaworu smiled as he usually did but he also looked a little puzzled. "Ikari-san, may I borrow your soap?"

Kaworu wasn't modest in the least way. But then, why did he need to be? He seemed as flawless in his appearance as a doll. There wasn't a scar or freckle to be seen. His skin was pale and even. His hair was hanging damply in his face. Shinji was much more modest. Reaching with a trembling hand, he grasped the soapy white bar and prayed it wouldn't slip from him. He placed it in Kaworu's outstretched hand. His flawless hand.

Kaworu grinned, showing his teeth. "Thank you."

"Y-y-yeah" Shinji answered, nodding quickly. Kaworu disappeared back behind the curtain. That was... too much.

Kaworu wandered out of the showers soon after, stark naked, towel drying his hair and humming a tune familiar to Shinji. The third child had retreated to the lockers and had hurriedly dressed himself though he was still soaking wet. Kaworu poked his head around the corner. "Ikari-san?"

"Yes?" Shinji asked, closing the locker with a deliberate slam.

"It's pretty late, almost completely dark outside..."

"I guess."

"I live nearby. You're welcome to stay the night at my apartment if you like."

Shinji tensed at the offer then looked in bewilderment at Kaworu. He'd walked to his own locker, taking out his clothes to change into. Shinji blushed again. "I don't know... I don't want to be a bother."

"If it was a bother, I wouldn't have offered" Kaworu replied, looking mildly confused. "I want to get to know you better. We'll be working closely together you know."

Shinji was a little afraid of new people and Kaworu wasn't any acceptation. However, Shinji couldn't deny that he was intrigued by this boy and wanted to learn about him if he could. Perhaps they could be friends... As far as Eva pilots went, Shinji had been the only boy. Rei seemed disconnected from the world and Asuka was incredibly moody. That there was a pilot who was a boy and also emotionally stable was a welcome change for Shinji. Emotionally stable, he was not.

"I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you" Kaworu added, as an afterthought. "So late at night, so dark... And you don't live very close by do you? So will you come? Or won't you?"

"I... I..." Shinji fidgeted under the crimson gaze. "Okay..."

Kaworu and Shinji arrived at Kaworu's apartment and it was dark by that time. When Kaworu opened the door, Shinji couldn't help but gape at the barrenness of the place. It was a one-room apartment besides the bathroom. The entire room was only a little bigger then the one Shinji slept in at his own place. A few boxes were tucked away in the corners but other than that, Kaworu seemed to own very few material possessions aside from his bed.

"You just moved in, right?" Shinji asked as they took off their shoes and stepped inside.

"Yes."

"It's nice..."

"Mm. Are you hungry, Ikari-san? I don't have a kitchen but I can run right across the street to the store and get you something." Kaworu seemed eager to please his guest. Shinji was a little taken aback by the offer and he knew right away that he couldn't accept.

"I'm fine, thanks" he responded, politely as he could. "It is kinda late... I'll probably just go to sleep..."

"Alright." Kaworu strode over to the closet, pulling out a sleeping bag, the only apparent thing there besides a few towels. He rolled it out next to the bed and plucked a pillow down next to it. But then Kaworu did a strange thing. He himself got into the sleeping bag. Shinji stood over him, awkwardly.

"Nagisa-san, you really shouldn't sleep on the floor. It's your place, you know. I'm the one intruding."

"It's alright for me here," the ash-haired boy answered, tucking his slender, pale arms behind his head. His eyes seemed alight at that moment. Shinji sat quietly on the bed. He didn't have any pyjamas and neither did Kaworu so he deemed it alright to sleep in his clothes. He slid between the sheets, finding it hard at first to relax. The room was dark, but street lights from outside shone in to illuminate the room enough to see a little. Shinji could see Kaworu's dark form on the floor. He lay quietly in the bed, looking at the unfamiliar ceiling.

"Ikari..." Kaworu spoke, his voice a little gentler than before. The boy on the bed turned and looked at him, questioningly. "You don't have to be formal with me. I want you to call me Kaworu. If that's alright..."

"Kaworu... Then... you can just call me Shinji, okay?" was the response. Kaworu chuckled a bit.

"Those who are delicate bruise easily..." Kaworu said. Then he turned over to sleep.

_A scream. A shrill scream inside his head. _

"Asuka!" He charged towards the fallen girl who had somehow been torn from her Evangelion and lay bleeding on the barren wasteland. Shinji knelt next to her, scooping her up. The girl was unconscious, her head falling back limply. "Wake up!" Shinji urged her. "Please, Asuka!"

The color seemed to drain from the world and Shinji's vision stretched and tilted, making him dizzy. Rei walked towards him, her movements stiff and unnatural. Shinji watched her approach, an increasing feeling of dread inside him. She was wearing her plugsuit and bandages covered most of her.

"Ikari" she said in her light, wispy voice. She raised her hands, gently pulling away at her bandages. The boy regarded her in fear and then jerked his head away. Beneath the bandages was something awful he didn't want to look at... But eventually he did. He slowly turned, unable to do anything but look. His face twisted into a look of horror. Rei stood there, half Rei anyways. The other half, the half that had been bandaged, was Yui Ikari, his mother. Her skin was melted and bubbling, merged to Rei in a disgusting, throbbing mass. Yui's one eye was gone, leaving only a bloody socket.

"M-mother?" Shinji squeaked, his voice threatening to break.

"Shinjiiii..." the voice was low, inhuman. It gurgled like it was beneath waves. The hideous creature, half Rei and half Yui lurched closer to him. One bloody arm and one good arm slowly encircled his neck.

"You're not-!" Shinji gasped, terror in his voice. "No... NO!"

Shinji scrambled upwards, the sheets somewhat constricting him. He panted, sweating and frightened. His mind raced with the images and he couldn't be sure of where he was. Panic rose in him. It was dark. That creature could be in the darkness, waiting for him. He whimpered in terror, wriggling down under the covers and trying to disappear. There was a rustle nearby and Shinji's breathing became ragged. Someone put a hand against his shoulder. Shinji squeezed his eyes shut and screamed.

"Shinji!" Kaworu's voice sounded deeply concerned and urgent. The voice was familiar and Shinji ripped his covers from his face to gaze up at Kaworu's shadowy form.

"I-it wasn't Rei... wasn't mother..." Shinji panted. "Kaworu... pl...please..."

"It was only a nightmare, Shinji," Kaworu assured him. He reached out a hand, tenderly brushing a few strands of hair from Shinji's clammy forehead. It didn't seem logical to Shinji that he'd been dreaming. He never remembered falling asleep. He sat up, shaking his head furiously in protest. But his logical self began to kick in and within seconds he was aware it had been just a dream and nothing more.

"God... it was so real to me..." Shinji whispered, brokenly. He felt like crying but such a thing he wouldn't allow himself to do in front of Kaworu. The other boy pulled the covers aside a bit and Shinji automatically slid over. Kaworu got into bed with him, wriggling into the space.

"Don't worry," Kaworu said softly. "I'll let nothing bad ever happen to you, Shinji... Believe me." He didn't hug him or touch him because he was aware that Shinji wasn't comfortable being so close to another. He smiled gently. "I love you."

"...What?" Shinji asked. "You love me...?"

He didn't remember much after that because he drifted off to sleep again.


	3. Chapter 3

The warm, but unwelcome sunlight filtered into the room in the late hours of the morning. A troubled look passed on Shinji's sleeping face and he pulled the covers over himself. He heard quiet footsteps in the room and automatically his mind processed the thought that he was in his own room and Asuka had walked in. He stretched a little. "Asuka..." he mumbled, "go 'way..."

"Good morning" came a pleasant but very male voice. Shinji froze, mid-stretch, and then sat up. Kaworu stood by the window in a fresh change of clothes. However, his hair was messy, rather showing he'd just woken up. Shinji glanced away from him.

"Sorry. I thought you were Asuka..." he mumbled, looking embarrassed and apologetic.

"It's alright," Kaworu answered, smiling as he usually did. "Did you sleep well?"

Shinji recalled the nightmare he'd had and how Kaworu had come to comfort him in the night. He was grateful Kaworu had woken up earlier because he was sure he'd feel strange waking up next to him like that. "Y-yes..." he mumbled, fingering the sheets that covered him.

"I called your guardian, Ms. Katsuragi, to say that you were safe and at my place" Kaworu added. A quick glance around the now lit room confirmed that Kaworu didn't have a phone in sight so he must have gone to a pay phone... When he thought about it, Shinji had to wonder just how long Kaworu had been up for while he was sleeping the morning away.

Kaworu smiled a little wider and tried to keep his mouth shut, glancing downwards with a grin. Shinji tilted his head to one side. "What?" he asked.

"It's nothing..."

"What is it?" Shinji asked, his voice a little more forceful as he watched Kaworu's shoulders shaking a bit. Kaworu finally looked up at him.

"You're funny looking in the morning, Shinji"

The other boy sat, blinking at the bluntness of it. Then he glanced at the mirror where his reflection on the bed was small and not entirely clear. Still, he could see his hair was quite messy and his bangs were sticking straight up in the air. A blush formed on Shinji's face. What a sight he was! He managed an uneasy tittering, running a hand through his chestnut brown hair. "I'm a mess..." he said, regarding himself in the mirror.

Kaworu composed himself after a moment of fighting to stifle laughter. "You needn't be embarrassed; my appearance is equally appalling in the morning."

Shinji narrowed his eyes at Kaworu in mock anger. "But you got up and snuck around early so I wouldn't see you!"

"Ah, well obviously I can't look anything but perfect to you" Kaworu answered, eyes twinkling. He might have been joking but it didn't ease Shinji in the least. He blushed even more now.

"Kaworu... you're so weird..."

The pale one wasn't the least bit offended by the answer. "As are you."

Monday morning before classes had to start and Asuka was bent over the sink in the girl's washroom, holding her hands under the warm water. She looked worn, sort of off in her own world. The bathroom was empty otherwise and very quiet. Outside the window, the sky was an angry shade of grey and rain pattered against the glass like a thousand tiny fingertips. With a sigh, Asuka shut off the water and turned, about to leave, when the door opened and a tall, slender boy walked in.

Asuka froze, staring at Kaworu Nagisa, whom she'd been trying to avoid since he'd first arrived. Kaworu looked mildly surprised to have encountered her, and then his expression softened into a smile. The redhead fumed a bit. "What are you doing in the girl's washroom, you pervert!" she demanded.

"What's a pervert?" Kaworu questioned as Asuka shoved past him.

"What are you, stupid?" Asuka asked, standing by the door. "We don't need you. I hope you know that. Shinji and me, and even Wonder-girl... we're all perfectly fine pilots!"

Kaworu stared at her then his eyes darkened slightly. "Always good to have a replacement on hand, don't you think? It's dangerous work, what we do."

"You think you can act all high and mighty!" Asuka shouted. She opened the door. "You'd better watch yourself, homo-boy." Then he slammed the door and was gone.

"Shinji?" Misato looked up from her paperwork at the girl standing behind her. "Well... I think he's with Nagisa..."

Asuka sighed, sweat gleaming on her skin. The day was hot and she'd mostly sat in her room, fanning herself uselessly. The air conditioner was broken so fans were set up in every part of the apartment. It did little to help. "With him again?" Asuka asked.

"Mhm. Shinji needs a boyfriend, you know."

Asuka staggered backwards in surprise. "_What_?"

"He doesn't have a whole lot of friends, and he needs more boyfriends" Misato answered, apparently growing bored with the conversation.

"Oh... yeah, more friends that are boys. I guess."

Misato flipped through her papers, for once in her life taking something seriously. Her pen scribbled against the paper, the sound surprisingly loud over the many fans blowing. "What about you?" Misato finally asked when Asuka remained planted in the spot. "Go see Hikari or something?"

"I can't, she's visiting her grandparents" Asuka sighed. The truth was she didn't really know any other girls besides Hikari. Not to say she couldn't get to know more if she wanted. But sometimes Asuka felt like an adult in a child's body and it was frustrating to her that she couldn't find someone who would just... _shut up _and listen.

"There's always Rei. She never has anything to do." The suggestion offended Asuka.

"As if I'd ever make friends with that wind-up doll!" Asuka said, venomously. She walked off, finding herself wishing Kaji was there. Not that he'd treat her as anything more than a child.

Stepping out into the glaring sunlight, Asuka set a droopy sunhat on top of her head and descended the stairs to the bottom of the apartment building. Summer vacation wasn't for a while yet but the heat wave that had settled onto Tokyo 3 had spanned at least five days and everything was slow moving. The girl hadn't the faintest idea of what she could do by herself but anything was better than talking to Misato.

Her sandals clicked against the sidewalk as she strolled through the city, her eyes eventually spotting an ice cream vendor. Within moments she was sitting on a bench by a lake, enjoying the ice cream that had already become soft and drippy in the heat. She heard footsteps nearby and as the girl finished off her cone, she turned and looked. A short distance away was the doll herself. Rei Ayanami, sitting herself on the grassy shore, occupied with a novel.

Before too long, Asuka's shadow fell over the girl and Rei turned, looking at her. Asuka, on a normal day, wouldn't have acknowledged the girl. But today the heat was getting to her and she'd been feeling... especially nasty. "Hey, First Child," she greeted, a strange smile playing upon her face. She set her hands on her hips and peered down at the pale girl, enjoying the height advantage. "Havin' fun?"

"Good afternoon, pilot Soryu," Rei said with a nod.

"You're pretty pale, you could blister in heat like this."

"Does that worry you?" Rei asked, a simple, innocent question.

"No! I'm not worried about you in the least! In fact, if you were to disappear, I probably wouldn't notice. You'd be much better if you did things of your own free will, you know." Asuka looked upwards, sighing. "But no, you're no better then a doll. A puppet really. Not even a real person, in my opinion. You rather creep me out."

Rei regarded her with red eyes, no expression on her face. "You're like a pet, loyal to it's master. Do a couple tricks, why don't you?" Asuka taunted. With one swift movement, Rei shut the book and was on her feet, suddenly at eye-level with the other girl. Asuka took a step back but glared directly into Rei's eyes. "C'mon. I'm not afraid of you!"

"We are all pilots," Rei said, simply. "We are all a part of one another. Should we not all be able to get along?"

"It's _easy _for people to get along with you!" Asuka replied. "You don't say a word and you do whatever you're told! Do you have any free will at all?"

Rei paused and than answered, "Yes..."

"That's a lie! But if you can tell a lie, maybe that means you do have a bit!"

"Pilot Soryu, I believe it would be best if you got out of the sun."

Asuka stared at her. Rei didn't give her a chance to retort. "My apartment has air conditioning, it would be good for you."

Asuka finally spoke. "Fuck you! I don't need a doll giving me orders!" But just after speaking those words, her rage seemed to drain from her and she was overcome with dizziness. Swaying slightly, Rei gripped her arm before she could fall over. Rei moved up against her and the only slightly conscious Asuka was aware that the other girl's skin was cool beneath her clothes. Cold, even. How odd.

"I apologize, Pilot Soryu," Rei said. "I'll take you with me..."

Asuka hadn't the strength to fight off the girl and soon after her near fainting spell, she was lying on a black couch, a cool cloth on her forehead. The ceiling fan above her was spinning. The air inside the apartment was pleasant and cool. The girl heard the clinking of glasses and Rei walked from the kitchen, a glass of clear brown liquid in her hand. She set it on the coffee table next to where Asuka was lying.

"It's ice tea, you should drink it in case you've become dehydrated."

Asuka moved slowly into a sitting position, one hand holding the cloth to her head. She took the glass in her free hand and tilted it back, barely wetting her lips with the drink before she realized just how parched she was. She was going to deliberately decline to drink but thirst won over and she downed the contents quickly. She was stubborn but far too tired and worn out to put on a convincing front that she was fine and by the way, still hated Rei's guts.

Asuka felt far from fine but she'd live.

Rei took the empty glass and went for a refill. When she returned again, Asuka only drank half of the glass, then left the rest, her thirst quenched for now.

"You apartment says a lot about you" Asuka finally said. "It's plain and boring." There was further silence, in which Asuka wished that Rei could've gone away, rather then sit at the edge of the couch and stare at her. The redhead sighed. "I guess I owe you something for helping me... but it wasn't as bad as it looked! I certainly didn't need to be carried here! How embarrassing!"

Rei cast down her gaze. "I apologize."

With a heavy sigh, Asuka lay back against the couch again, drained once more of what little energy she'd saved up. The girl turned her blue eyes to Rei, slightly annoyed at her. "Ugh... why couldn't Kaji be here..."

Rei's first instinct was to mind her own business and Asuka would surely tell her that, but she was a little curious. Whether she showed it or not, she _did_ have free will... It just... wasn't as apparent as other's. "Do you love Kaji?"

Asuka whipped her head around to stare at Rei. Surprisingly, she just snorted and waved it off. "Love isn't real. What I feel for Kaji is an attraction. Us in a relationship would be a convenience I think. But I'd certainly not be clingy like some girls." She huffed a bit. "I need my space too." Perhaps dropping a subtle hint to Rei who didn't catch on.

"I suppose Kaji does not feel the same as you do..." Rei mumbled.

"I'm not _desperate_," Asuka said, with a laugh. However, seeing her with Kaji, her actions told a different story. "I don't need anyone!" Then she flinched, as if she'd just done something wrong or had suddenly felt uncomfortable. The redhead stood up and Rei's eyes followed her. "I should be going, not that this hasn't been _fun_." Her sarcasm had returned.

"Oh. Yes, I guess you should go..." Rei agreed, getting to her feet.

Asuka smoothed the wrinkles from her dress. "...Thanks, I guess." She walked out of the front door and it closed slowly, leaving Rei alone.

"Goodbye."

Night descended onto the city and gone with the sun, a bit of the heat's intensity as well. Rather, the air was pleasant now, at least in Shinji's mind. The perfect temperature for him. He walked along the sidewalks, Kaworu walking beside him, Shinji's hand grasped in Kaworu's. He didn't remember exactly when that had happened; Kaworu certainly didn't seem to know much about personal space or boundaries. Shinji found himself grateful for that...

"I guess I should take you home," Kaworu said with a sigh. "It is getting late."

"Mm." Shinji nodded in agreement.

Surprisingly they hadn't spent the day doing much of anything, but Shinji particularly felt it had been good. He was closer to Kaworu than to perhaps anyone else. He trusted him fiercely and he felt afraid that Kaworu would somehow end up hurting him. But still, how could he feel so strongly about the boy when he knew so little about him? Shinji wasn't the one to pry into other people's business but he'd almost too gladly shared his life story with Kaworu. After doing so... well he felt a sense of relief. Kaworu didn't judge him or laugh. The way that Asuka might have. No, Kaworu understood, he offered him choices, his opinions, asked questions. Shinji had never met anyone who had ever taken such an interest in him...

"It's a long walk back to your place from where I live..." Shinji mumbled. He had stopped walking and Kaworu had stopped at the same time, dropping Shinji's hand from his grasp.

"Yes, it is."

Shinji turned to look at Kaworu. "It's still a ways to my apartment building, but if we part ways here, you wouldn't have to walk twice as far." Shinji blushed a little. "I'd offer for you to stay over but... well with Asuka and Misato there isn't a lot of room."

Kaworu grinned. "It's fine. I'll see you later, Shinji." The two of them walked in opposite directions from each other. Shinji's sneakers scuffled against the ground as he walked, feeling rather upbeat. The streets were relatively empty in the little neighbourhood he was cutting through, but it mattered not.

Then he heard something, several male voices not too far away, coming from a parking lot. As Shinji approached, he began to feel uneasy. The voices were cruel sounding and there were crying whimpers heard over them as well. Shinji got a view of the parking lot at that moment. Several teenage boys were crowded around a limp body on the pavement. They were punching it, kicking it and the person would cry out in pain.

Shinji swallowed, hurrying his walk. But the boys had spotted him. "Hey!" one of them exclaimed. Shinji avoided looking at him and broke into a run but the other boys seemed to be expecting that. Within seconds, three of them were all over him, grabbing at his shirt and yanking him backwards. Shinji was thrown to the ground where several shoes proceeded to stomp into his back and all over his body. Shinji cried out in pain and tried to fight them off with no avail. He then tried to curl in on himself but found he couldn't do that either.

"Does he have money?" one of them asked. Shinji was forcefully flung over onto his back and his wallet was stolen. He was already rather bruised and bloodied. One of the boys opened his wallet, looking for money and took a wad out. "Not much..." he said, voice sounding rather disappointed. Shinji turned his head, eyes searching for the other victim but he'd apparently gotten up and ran off in the scuffle. Shinji felt hopeful he'd get help for him...

A hard kick in the ribs sent Shinji sprawled on his stomach and he again cried out in pain. The beating began again; apparently they were angry with Shinji because he'd caused the other boy to get away. After several agonizing moments, one of the boys suddenly shouted something. Shinji's ears were ringing and all he could focus on was the pain.

The boys left Shinji for the moment, going off to see something. At that time, Shinji didn't move. He couldn't hear the boys suddenly shouting and then crying out in surprise, pain and finally begging for mercy before they scattered like wounded dogs. A figure walked up to Shinji, kneeling down to inspect him. Shinji's eyes opened slightly and he was mildly surprised to see Kaworu kneeling over him, his face twisted in concern for him before everything went dark.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sort of THE K/S chapter. Or at least the first one. I've got a grand total of three reviews. One was useless crap but the other two were good so I decided to keep writing. I'm updating for you!

Asuka was lying on the floor of her bedroom, textbooks spread around. She had headphones on and was idly doing homework. Misato suddenly slid the door open, standing there with a worried expression on her face. Asuka raised her head. If it wasn't for Misato's obvious distress, she might have been annoyed. "What's wrong?"

"Shinji's been hurt" Misato said. "He arrived at the hospital unconscious."

Asuka sat up a bit, surprise apparent on her face. "What happened?"

"I don't know..." Misato ran off, hurriedly putting on her jacket at the front door. Asuka got up, following her. Misato hopped around, putting on her shoes. "Stay here, Asuka" she said, sternly.

"What! Why should I?" the redhead demanded, folding her arms stubbornly.

"It's late" Misato answered. "I'm Shinji's guardian. You'll see him tomorrow." She hurried out the door. Asuka stood, scowling at the door. She huffed and stalked off.

"Fine."

Shinji could tell Misato was worried for him. As he lay, bandaged in his hospital bed, Misato had pulled up a chair and was sitting next to him. "The wounds aren't too serious" she was saying, her voice quiet and trying to mask concern. Shinji's eyes were downcast as he studied his bruised and cut up body. "Still... taking it easy for a while would be in your best interest."

"I'm such a coward..." Shinji sighed, hurting all over. "How long do I have to stay here, Misato?"

"Just until tomorrow morning" the woman replied. She got up from the chair. "I'll have to leave you for now... Get some rest." She smiled gently at him. "I'll pick you up at 9. Okay?"

Shinji nodded numbly. Misato exited and walked down the hall but he wasn't aware of it. "Misato, where is-" he started, looking up and seeing no one. He blinked and then sighed. Had Kaworu brought him here? He hadn't seen the boy around, but Shinji had been so sure that Kaworu had saved him somehow. How pathetic, he needed to be saved.

Lying back in the bed, Shinji exhaled slowly and closed his eyes. He wasn't too fond of hospitals, but he'd been in them a few times already. For a long while Shinji remained still, looking as though he were asleep. His breathing was calm and even. But then he felt someone touch his arm and he gasped slightly, eyes shooting open. With a rustle, Shinji turned his head and in the darkness, he could see Kaworu standing over him.

Scarcely aware of how he'd gotten in there without making a sound, Shinji felt a confusing wave of emotions over him. His eyes softened and he smiled weakly. "Kaworu..."

Kaworu quietly moved and sat in the chair that Misato had left at the bedside. Shinji struggled to sit up, wincing when he did so. Kaworu's smile could be seen even in the dark. There was a window, after all, and silvery moonlight flooded in to light the room a little. "I didn't mean to disturb you, Shinji..." Kaworu said quietly. "But I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"You really should be at home sleeping right now" Shinji said, frowning a little. "I cause you so much trouble."

"Never" Kaworu answered, shaking his head, silver hair falling across his face. The pale boy raised his hands, looking hesitant at first, then took hold of Shinji's own bandaged hands and lifted them off the sheets. Shinji stared at Kaworu as the boy lifted Shinji's hands to his face and held one against his cheek, closing his eyes. The dark-haired boy's breath caught in his throat. "You never cause me trouble, Shinji..." he whispered.

Shinji was at a loss as to how he could feel so close to the boy. Or how he could be so beautiful. It went beyond Shinji's understanding. It was a feeling that was both confusing and wonderful. It was also wholly unfamiliar. Friendship? Deep friendship? He didn't doubt their friendship. Was it more than that? It felt like it. But he couldn't find a word for it.

"Kaworu..." Shinji sighed. He slid his hands from the other's face and back towards himself. Kaworu leaned over the bed, crawling up on his hands and knees a short distance towards Shinji. Shinji shrank back a bit, eyes wide.

"You have nothing to fear" Kaworu said gently. "There's nothing wrong with allowing yourself to get close to another person. It's the nature of all human beings." Kaworu leaned in slowly, planting a soft kiss onto Shinji's damp forehead, his lips lingering a moment. Shinji felt a flutter in his stomach.

"Kaworu..."

The boy leaning over him kissed his ear. He kissed along Shinji's jaw, sweet little kisses as delicate as flower petals. Shinji's eyes closed. He tilted his head back without realizing it, exposing the curve of his neck. Kaworu claimed it with his mouth.

"Kaworu..."

The soft kisses turned ravenous as Kaworu's teeth gently grazed Shinji's soft skin and his tongue prodded. The boy gently bit Shinji's neck and felt two hands tangle into his hair. "K-Kaworu..." Shinji moaned. "Oh... Kaworu..." He felt Kaworu's hot breath against his skin as he pulled away slowly. Shinji gave a whimper of protest, reaching out for the other. "Please..."

Kaworu sat back a little, his head lowered. "I apologize for that..."

Shinji rubbed his tingling neck, eyes hardening slightly. "Goddamnit! You can't just _stop_ like that!" Kaworu raised his head in surprise.

"You..."

"Liked it?" Shinji finished for him. He looked away, blushing. "I've never been kissed like _that_ before..."

"I just wanted to make you feel better..." Kaworu said quietly. "I feel so strange around you, Shinji. I've wanted to kiss you the moment I met you."

"I don't understand why you've taken such an interest in me, Kaworu. I'm nothing special. I'm not particularly interesting or smart or-" He was cut off when Kaworu's mouth made contact with his. Shinji melted into the kiss and it was over all too soon. "God... Kaworu..." Shinji whispered when the other had parted from him. "You really are weird..."

"I love you, Shinji Ikari" Kaworu whispered. "I think I was born just to meet you."

"Love me if you want..." Shinji replied, sinking back into the bed. "It feels good."

"I should be leaving" Kaworu said quietly, sliding off the bed. "But I'll see you very soon."

Misato arrived in the morning, promptly at 9 to pick Shinji up. The boy was waiting for her in the lobby when she came in. She paid the hospital bill and the two left, getting into the car. As Misato drove, Shinji gazed out the front window.

"You can take a few days off of school to get better" Misato said after a long silence. "...Are you okay?"

"Hm?" Shinji's eyes flicked to her and he managed a nod. "Yeah, I'm just tired I guess."

"Ah. Well I guess you wouldn't have slept all that well in the hospital" she said. "You can rest when we get home. I want you back to feeling 100 percent better."

Shinji couldn't help but feel as if Misato were a mother worrying over him. He smiled slightly at her. "You got it."

The apartment was empty throughout the day. Once Shinji had arrived home and was resting in bed, Misato had to leave. Asuka was already at school. Only Penpen was there to keep Shinji company and the two of them sat on the couch while Shinji boredly flipped through the channels on TV. He couldn't really concentrate on what he was watching. He could only think of Kaworu. Of the kisses, of the previous night. He hadn't dreamed it, that was for sure. The proof was on his neck. But now he was more confused than ever about what Kaworu wanted. He needed to see him again, but injured as he was and confined to his apartment, it could be a few days.

Sighing miserably, Shinji lay back against the couch. "If only he had a phone... or somethin'."

Asuka sat, quite bored, in the classroom at lunch. Everyone was eating and chattering away. The redhead sat alone, picking at her food. She was full on scowling, feeling unease. The sunny day didn't match her mood, however. It was as though nature were toying with her. She happened to glimpse a uniform beside her desk and she raised her eyes, looking at the concerned face of Hikari. The girl took a seat in the desk beside Asuka.

"What's the matter?" Hikari asked.

"Just Shinji..." Asuka grumbled.

"Are you worried about him?"

"So what if I am!" the redhead said, defensively. "Getting himself mugged by a bunch of thugs out in the street. How irresponsible of him to be out so late and by himself!" Her eyes went to Kaworu who sat a few desks further up and his back was facing her. "It's all his fault too! Shinji's been spending too much time with him!"

Kaworu could hear her, but her remarks didn't really affect him. He wasn't eating anything. Rather he was finishing up some homework of his and humming quietly to himself.

When school was dismissed, Kaworu wandered out a bit later than the usual flow of students. He was carrying his violin case and he happened to spot Asuka leaning against the wall of the school and glaring at him. Sensing she had some business with him, Kaworu slowed his walk and then stopped, looking at her. "Afternoon" he greeted, with a nod.

Asuka walked up to him. "You don't even care."

"About what?"

"About Shinji! He got hurt because of you!" Kaworu didn't say anything to that. "I know you're up to no good. If you do _anything_ to Shinji, I'll kill you."

Kaworu flinched, momentarily looking rattled by the warning. Then he forced his usual smile. "I'm not doing anything to hurt him, Pilot Soryu" he said, rather cheerily. "He's a friend of mine."

"Shinji might be stupid, but I'm not!" Asuka growled. "You're getting close to him for a reason! And he trusts you! If you DARE take advantage of that..."

"I'm not taking advantage of anything" Kaworu replied, becoming a little defensive. "I love him."

"You're a liar! Dolls can't love anything, and you're no better than Wondergirl!"

"You love him too..." Kaworu said, as if a realization had come to him.

Asuka stood back, looking surprised. Then she shook her head, furiously. "No! I don't!" She ran off, leaving Kaworu to stand there, watching her. His expression became disturbed and he began walking again.

"...I'm not taking advantage of you, Shinji... I'm not... I really do love you... Don't I...?"

"I'm home!" Misato called, walking into the apartment. Only silence greeted her. Frowning, she surveyed the front room. "Shinji? Asuka?" There was a rustle and then Shinji's bedroom door slid open, a drowsy looking boy peering out at her.

"Hi Misato" Shinji mumbled with a yawn. "Sorry, I was sleeping."

Smiling, Misato went up to him. "How are you feeling? Any better?"

"A little..."

"Is Asuka home too?"

"Asuka?" Shinji asked. He frowned a little. "I thought she was coming home with you."

Misato looked slightly worried. "She hasn't come home yet?" She looked at the clock. "It's 11, pretty late to be out by herself. Do you have her friend's number? Hikari?"

"I think..." Shinji walked out into the hall, going into Asuka's room. After rummaging through her things, he retrieved a slip of paper from her backpack. "Here."

Misato phoned Hikari's house, apologizing for disturbing them so late. She stood in the kitchen. Shinji remained in the hallway, listening to Misato talk. "Yes... yes. She's not? Do you know where she might be? Okay... okay. Sorry. Goodnight." She hung up, biting her bottom lip. "Not there. And Hikari said she doesn't know where Asuka might be."

"That's weird..." Shinji mumbled.

"It's dangerous for a girl her age to be out at night by herself. I'm going to look for her." Misato's jaw was set and nothing could sway her. "I'll take my cell phone; call me the second she comes home."


	5. Chapter 5

Driving on the road, Misato's eyes scanned along the streets. Headlights passed by her window every few seconds. She couldn't imagine where Asuka had gone, or why. She also knew the chances of finding her were very unlikely. Asuka was a smart girl, and if she didn't want to be found, she'd make sure she wasn't. Whatever had possessed her to go out like this in the first place was beyond Misato. But she felt anger towards the girl for being so irresponsible.

Breaking at a red light, Misato pounded her fist against the dashboard. "Damnit, Asuka!" She was afraid for her, the longer she remained at large. Asuka was mature for her age, but she certainly wasn't invincible. Anything could happen to her. She could end up mugged like Shinji had been. Beaten, raped, stabbed. Endless possibilities. Although Misato tried to tell herself that she was most certainly alright, she couldn't help but fear these things.

The light changed to green and Misato floored the gas pedal.

Asuka was nowhere near Misato. She was alone on a playground, swinging back and forth on a swing where she was seated. Had Misato driven right by the place, Asuka probably would've gone unnoticed. The place was shadowy, dark and isolated. Only the streetlights at her back outlined her dark form.

Asuka dragged her feet into the ground. _What a stupid boy... Everyone's just so stupid... I don't love Shinji, I don't. It's a lot of bull. _

Some unseen force had pulled Rei from her bed so late at night. She felt as if she'd been jarred awake by invisible hands and that they were leading her now. Clad in a simple summer dress she'd managed to put on in her hurry, the cool night air sent goosebumps all along her skin. Her bare feet walked silently on the cold earth. Where she was going... she didn't know. Why? She didn't know.

The answer was only clear to her when she found herself standing a few paces away from the playground. It wasn't too far from her apartment and she'd walked by it many times before during the day. At night it had a more sinister look to it. Rei's eyes fell to the swing set where a lone figure was swinging back and forth, the chains creaking.

Stepping closer, Rei squinted before she became aware of who it was. With a slight gasp she walked up to the swing. "Pilot Soryu?" she asked, faintly surprised. Asuka's heels dug into the ground to stop herself. Her head was bent low, bangs shadowing her eyes. Rei stood behind her, stiffly. She'd been led to her? To pilot Soryu. Was she in some kind of trouble?

Asuka didn't say anything, nor did she move. "Did something happen?" Rei asked. She waited a few minutes before a response came.

"Why?" Asuka asked, her voice thick. She leaned down further, her shoulders trembling.

"What?" Rei asked.

"Heheh... why is it you?" Asuka asked. She raised her head, looking forward. "Why did _you _come, of all people."

"I felt I had to come..." Rei said quietly. She could think of no other explanation.

Asuka began to chuckle to herself, an uneasy chuckle without any humour to it. "Heehee... As if you should feel obliged to do anything for me."

"Come with me, Pilot Soryu." She took a step closer to Asuka. "I'll call Misato-san and she'll-"

Asuka suddenly grasped Rei's wrist tightly. "Don't... call her..." Asuka said between gritted teeth. "If you don't call her, I'll come with you."

"...Alright."

Asuka got up from the swing, causing it to sway a little as she did. Then she turned and faced Rei. Rei turned from her and began walking in the direction of her apartment. Asuka followed in silence.

Misato had no choice but to come home after a few hours. She arrived at the apartment, feeling like a failure. Shinji was still awake when she flicked on the light in the kitchen and he ran from his room towards her. "Did you find her?" he asked. But as he skidded to a stop, it was clear she hadn't.

Misato poured herself a glass of water and downed it in less than two seconds. "As if I could ever take care of anyone..." she sighed, miserably.

"I'm sure she's fine" Shinji said, approaching the woman uneasily. He couldn't be sure about that, though.

"Maybe... but at the same time, she could be hurt. She could be scared." Misato took a seat at the kitchen table. "Shinji... you ought to sleep."

Shinji shook his head. "I can't sleep until I know Asuka's safe!"

Misato strummed her fingers against the tabletop while her other hand ran through her hair. "Maybe I should call the police... or something..."

In his own darkened one-room apartment, Kaworu stood in silence by the window, a hand resting against the pane of glass as he peered out. "Does it start and end here...?"

"What am I even doing here..." Asuka sighed to herself, sitting on the very same couch she'd been on the previous day. _As if coming here once for help wasn't embarrassing enough. Now I'm here again. At least no one knows._ Her blue eyes gazed warily at the shadowed apartment surroundings.

Rei materialized from the shadows and took a step towards Asuka. "Pilot Soryu... It's very late now. Are you intending to sleep here?"

Asuka waved Rei off. "Just go to bed" she mumbled. "I'll just stay here."

Without any word of protest, Rei turned and went back to her bedroom. She was too tired. If Asuka left while she slept, well... that would be alright. Rei had done what she could. But she couldn't control the girl. Sliding into her bed, Rei closed her eyes and slept.

Asuka remained on the couch, unmoving. At least for a little while. Then a strange urge came over her. She raised her head slowly, looking in the direction of Rei's closed bedroom door. "Do dolls sleep, I wonder..." she said in a voice barely heard by her own ears. She rose from the couch and moved silently as she could towards the door that was slightly ajar. Slipping into the room, Asuka was sure her heartbeat was loud enough to wake the neighbourhood. Scarcely daring to draw a breath, she approached Rei's form. She leaned over the porcelain-like figure and sure enough, Rei's eyes were closed and she was sleeping.

Asuka stood over her for several moments, unsure of what to do. Then her hands curled into fists at her side and she became angry with herself. "Dumme puppe... Du machst mich krank!"

Rei's eyes opened and she stared up at Asuka in bewilderment. "Pilot Soryu...?"

"I don't need your help!" Asuka spat. Rei sat up slowly. "I'm sick of this, I'm going home!" She turned to leave but felt Rei's hand grasp her wrist which stopped her short. Asuka fought to break free of her. "Let go!"

"Please, Pilot Soryu..." Rei said quietly, looking somewhat concerned. "At least wait until morning." Asuka's struggling slowed a little. She stared at Rei with her face hardened in anger. Rei looked down. "I'm sorry for anything I've done to make you dislike me so much."

Asuka finally yanked her hand away, her mouth twisting up into a strange smile. "You and Nagisa both... you really are the same..." She laughed cruelly but it faded quickly. She spoke again, her voice more broken sounding. "As if anyone would want me... like this." Asuka rubbed her wrist, tears welling up in her eyes. "As if Shinji would... or Kaji... or anyone."

"Soryu...?"

Asuka suddenly whirled around, facing Rei angrily, a few unshed tears being shook free and catching the moonlight for a moment. "You have Shinji's father to care about you! Shinji has Misato! Nagisa has Shinji! Misato has Kaji! Everyone has someone to give a damn about them, don't they!"

Rei regarded her, saying nothing.

"And everyone just assumes that I don't need anyone! They're all more than happy to push me aside because I'm just so strong and resilient! Well I'm tired of it!" She seemed to lose some of her edge and a sob emitted from her throat as she slowly slid to the floor. "I'm just... so tired..."

"Pilot Soryu..." Rei put her hands on the girl's shoulders but Asuka shrugged her off.

"Don't touch me..."

Rei crouched next to the distraught girl. "Misato-san cares about you. Ikari does too. And Horaki. I'm sure even Kaji cares about you."

Asuka curled in on herself, trembling. "That's a load of crap!" she said, her voice muffled. "Shinji... he's got Nagisa now. Kaji and Misato are going to get back together. Hikari and Toji are dating... there's no room for me."

Sniffling loudly, Asuka tried to compose herself, getting to her feet while Rei looked up at her. "This is stupid. Coming here. As if you can do anything for me..." She crossed the room and left. Rei remained on the floor, listening until the front door shut. With a sigh, she stood, gazing at the open bedroom door.

Shinji and Misato were asleep at the kitchen table when Asuka came in. Shinji was jarred awake by the sound of the door shutting, despite the girl's best efforts to avoid making noise. The boy raised his head from where it had been resting in his arms and blinked owlishly. "Asuka?"

The girl walked into the kitchen, clearly out of sorts. She barely looked at Shinji and he pushed his chair back, getting up. "Asuka! Do you have any idea what time it is!"

A quick glance at the clock. "3:30?"

"Why the hell did you go out by yourself! Misato and I have been worried!"

"Have you...?"

"Yes! Duh! You're part of this household, you're Misato's responsibility and you're my friend! So when you leave like that we're OBVIOUSLY going to be worried!"

Asuka stared at him. The commotion caused Misato to wake up and she yawned, pushing back from the table and rubbing her head. Her eyes fell on Asuka and her hand dropped to her side. "Asuka..."

The red-haired girl sighed and smiled very slightly. "Sorry to worry you, Misato. I just had... some thinking to do I guess..."

Misato put her hands on her hips, scowling. "I was worried sick, Asuka! What were you thinking, going out in the middle of the night like that, huh?" But her tone was more relieved than angry. "Ugh... I'm too tired to deal with this... Go to bed, both of you!"

"Yes m'am" Shinji said, all too happy to be getting some proper sleep finally. He trudged off to his room and Asuka followed him. Misato watched them leave, exhaling.

"You know you can talk to us, Asuka..." she mumbled. "About anything..."

Shinji's wounds healed quickly and Asuka's incident seemed forgotten as the days progressed. Sandalphon, the angel in the volcano, was destroyed by Asuka and then the angel Matarael was taken care of as well during the power outage in Tokyo-3. Shinji's return to school hadn't been as he expected. Kaworu was absent from it and had been for nearly two weeks, apparently on business for Seele.

On an overcast but warm afternoon, Shinji was making his way home from school alone. He carried his schoolbag, shuffling along down the sidewalk when a sound reached his ears. Piano music. He turned, looking around at where it might be coming from. He was standing beside a house that had been burned or blown up. It was clearly destroyed, only the charred foundation remained. But in the middle of the ruins, there was a grand piano, its surface covered in ash. A boy was playing it.

Shinji wandered into the ruin warily, approaching the pianist. He stood behind him, feeling awkward. Kaworu's nimble fingers skillfully played the ivory keys. Then he abruptly stopped, slouching forward a bit and locking his fingers together in his lap. Shinji blinked, watching him. Slowly a smile formed on Kaworu's face.

"Do you know the name of that song?" he asked.

Shinji jumped a little. "Uh... uh... Ode to Joy?"

Kaworu grinned, looking over his shoulder at Shinji. "Can you play?"

"The only instrument I can play is the cello" Shinji responded, fidgeting and blushing.

"Ah." Kaworu turned back to look at the keys and began to play again. He scooted over on the seat and Shinji reluctantly sat down.

"What's a piano doing here anyways?" Shinji asked with his eyes fixed on the movements of Kaworu's hands.

"I'm not sure. But it was lucky that I happened across it, isn't it? It's in good condition."

"Yeah... it's weird, considering everything else was destroyed..." Shinji surveyed the blackened remains of furniture and walls. "Maybe the family that lived here will come back for it..."

"Tokyo-3 isn't exactly a good place to be right now" Kaworu replied. "They probably fled like so many other families."

"I guess you're right." Shinji sat back, looking up at the sky. He closed his eyes, letting the wind rustle his hair and the music fill his head. He didn't even notice when Kaworu stopped playing. At least not until he felt a nudge against his side. The dark-haired boy looked at the other and Kaworu smiled.

"Shinji, it's good to see that you're better then the last time I saw you" he observed. Recalling the last time they were together caused Shinji to blush.

"Uh. Y-yeah."

"You're still the same as ever..."

"Where did you go, exactly?" Shinji asked with shifty eyes.

Kaworu sat back, shrugging. "Just with some representatives of Seele. To discuss plans for Eva Unit 03."

"Eva Unit 03?" Shinji asked, surprised. "Will that be your Eva, Kaworu?"

"Mm. Yes, if nothing goes wrong with it..."

Shinji frowned a little. He didn't care for the way Kaworu had said that... The pale boy stood up, stretching his arms above his head. He stood, dusting his clothes off because some ash had settled on him. Shinji watched him. "Uh... Kaworu... about that night at the hospital..."

"What?" Kaworu asked, his voice gentle. He leaned down over Shinji, smiling. "Did you want to feel those things again?"


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Just to be clear, I'm still in the process of seeing the entire EVA series. Thus I attempt to put scenes from the series into this fic, but they may be off slightly, simply because I was reading a summary rather than actually viewing the episode. A lot of parts in here happen from the series and aren't really mentioned because I'm assuming most people have seen it all... So yeah. 3

Misato tangled the phone cord between her fingers, listening to Shinji stammer and make excuses. She smiled faintly to herself. Shinji was so amusing when he was all flustered. "Yeah, yeah. You act like I'm a demon or something" Misato sighed, clamping one hand over her forehead and leaning against the counter in the kitchen. From the bathroom with a toothbrush in her mouth, Asuka poked her head out and peered into the kitchen.

"Of course you can stay at Nagisa's. Yes... yes it's no problem, you don't have school tomorrow anyways."

Asuka scowled and then went back into the bathroom, shutting the door. In the bathtub, Penpen was soaking in warm water. Asuka gripped the sink, brushing her teeth and fuming. She eventually heard Misato chuckle to herself in the other room as she hung up the phone. Asuka spit into the sink and ran water.

"Looks like it's just you and me tonight again" Misato said, walking past the bathroom door.

"Surprise, surprise" Asuka muttered, putting her toothbrush away. She left the bathroom.

"It's good that he's friends with Kaworu now" Misato was saying from her own bedroom as she changed into clothes to sleep in. "Poor kid didn't have any friends at all for a while."

"Ugh, Kaworu's a creepy pervert!" Asuka replied, going into her bedroom and rolling out the bed. "I question Shinji's taste."

Shinji hung up the phone from where he was in the payphone and sighed. He wandered back across the street and to the apartment building. Knocking once on the door, Shinji invited himself into Kaworu's apartment after being buzzed in. Kaworu was lying vertically on his back on the bed, gazing at the ceiling.

"Kaworu, Misato said I could stay over" Shinji mumbled, fidgeting shyly. Kaworu took his hands out from behind his head and sat up.

"That's good" he said, smiling. He pat the spot on the bed next to him and Shinji stiffly walked over and took a seat. He locked his hands in his lap and stared directly forward while Kaworu sat in a much more comfortable position. Red eyes regarded Shinji with a sort of warmth and adoration. But after a long silence between them, Kaworu finally glanced away and Shinji took it as his cue to speak.

"I... uh... you know I didn't know what to make of you when I first met you..." Shinji said before coughing a bit.

Kaworu chuckled a bit, visibly relaxing after the somewhat tense silence. "I'd heard about you while I was with Seele, obviously. But I didn't think you'd be anything like this."

"But... that's good, right?" Shinji asked hopefully.

"Yes, I was expecting you to be like Pilot Soryu" Kaworu admitted with a laugh. Shinji glanced upwards, pondering for a moment, what he'd be like with Asuka's personality. He shuddered slightly.

"Scary..."

Kaworu laughed again. "But you are pretty close to her, are you not?"

Shinji shrugged. "I'm not really close to anyone..." he admitted. "Except you, maybe."

"Ah, but you're holding back" Kaworu pointed out, causing Shinji to blush and stammer.

"W-well I'm not used to-!"

"It's alright, Shinji" Kaworu laughed. "However long it takes, I'll wait."

"I don't know why you chose me, Kaworu... someone as... wonderful as you."

"I'm a better person when you're around, Shinji..." Kaworu replied, cupping the boy's face in his hands. "We need each other, I think."

Shinji nodded a little, smiling shyly. "Yeah... maybe we do."

Kaworu pressed his lips against Shinji's. Within moments, Shinji was lying pressed against the bed, his fingers and Kaworu's intertwined together.

Within a few days, the next angel came fast and unexpected. Misato seemed particularly disturbed by it and as the four children sat together in the room, Misato paced as she briefed them on what they were expected to do. "This is dangerous, very dangerous... You could all die." She was clearly torn with the decision of sending them out into the fray.

Shinji tried to look untroubled by the news. Angel attacks were always dangerous and he'd long since stopped caring about his own life. But as he glanced in Kaworu's direction, he noticed something odd about the boy. How he had his head down, mouth turned down in a scowl. And there was something else.

"Misato!" Shinji said, looking at the woman. "Kaworu can't come with us, can he? He doesn't have an Eva yet!" Shinji would have felt more confident going into battle with Kaworu by his side.

Misato sighed a bit. "Yes, Nagisa will have to stay here... Although four Evas together would be beneficial..."

Kaworu's expression was unreadable when Shinji studied it.

"You'll be catching the angel before it hits the ground..." Misato concluded. She looked to each of the placid faces. "If any of you want to back out... I won't blame you."

"As if _I'd_ back out!" Asuka said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. She eyed Shinji and Rei, eyes alight with excitement. "The angels aren't a game, children."

"I will go, I'm not afraid" Rei said quietly.

"I'll go too" Shinji added.

"Do any of you have written wills?" Misato asked.

"I don't need one. I'm not going to die just yet" Asuka replied, apparently speaking for Shinji and Rei as well.

Misato forced a smile, putting a hand to her forehead and pushing her bangs up slightly. "When this is done, I'll buy you all a steak dinner, alright? Let's go." She turned and exited the room. Shinji, Rei, Asuka and Kaworu exchanged glances to one another.

"I dislike meat" Rei sighed.

The three of them followed after Misato and began to head for the cage. Shinji paused in the doorway, glancing at Kaworu. The boy was leaning against the far wall, appearing troubled.

"Kaworu...?" Shinji asked quietly. The ash-haired boy raised his head and a smile appeared on his face.

"Hm?"

"Kaworu... If I die..."

"You won't" Kaworu replied with confidence. "You won't, Shinji. And I'll be right here waiting for you when you return."

_"Asuka...?" _

_"What, Shinji?"_

_"Why do you pilot Eva?"_

_"To exhibit my talent to the world, of course!" _

_"To prove you exist?"_

_"I guess. Why do you pilot it?"_

_"...I don't know."_

_"Idiot."_

"You must not lose sight of what we're after!" a stern voice heavy with an accent said. Kaworu winced while several large, black and rectangular boxes formed a circle around him. The boy himself was hovering in mid-air.

"Remember who you are!" another one urged. "You are Tabris. Your brothers are being murdered by these people. And Commander Ikari is your enemy!"

"This man is trying to become god. Humanity's fate cannot rest with him."

"I know that" Kaworu mumbled.

"You shouldn't feel anything except hatred towards the Lilim. And certainly not love!"

"I don't!" Kaworu shouted, appearing taken aback by his own outburst. "I don't love. Not at all."

"Good. We'll wait a while longer then."

Late at night after dinner, although not a steak dinner as originally planned, Misato was driving the three chosen children home. They seemed worn, but in good spirits. The purple-haired woman herself could breathe a sigh of relief at last. She knew as she glanced at silent Shinji sitting next to her and then in the back where Asuka and Rei were sitting... she knew her relationship with all of them had exceeded being a professional one. She _did_ care about the well-being of them. She'd never had a child of her own but... Misato sometimes felt her inner motherly instincts come out when dealing with the three.

Her attention turned back to the relatively empty road. The citizens usually retreated when there was an angel attack. Misato realized that if Shinji, Asuka or Rei were to have died that day... well... she wondered how she would be able to go on working for Nerv.

Misato allowed a glance at Shinji again. He was thoughtful but smiling slightly as he looked out the window. Misato sighed. Gendo Ikari had never praised his son for anything... So to do it now must have been rather strange to Shinji. But not entirely unwanted, as she could see.

Rei sat in the back, her hands folded neatly in her lap, unaware of what Misato was thinking. Her attention was actually on Asuka who was pressed far against the door of the car, as if Rei had some sort of disease. She also looked forward and refused to look anywhere else. The car suddenly stopped and Rei realized they were at her apartment building. She opened the car door and got out, walking to Misato's window and bowing. "Thank you for dinner, m'am"

Misato grinned and waved it off. "You earned it! You all did."

Rei went into her apartment and Misato drove Shinji and Asuka back to their apartment. The both of them spoke little and went to their rooms. Shinji made his bed and then lay down in it, sighing. He was asleep within minutes. Asuka went to her own bed and was asleep soon after. Misato stayed up for a while, still concerned with how she felt about these children.

Like her own children, really. A startling revelation.

Asuka had told herself time and time again that Shinji and his life were about as interesting to her as... well... schoolwork was. Yet within the classroom, she found herself unable to take her eyes off of him. He was paired up with Kaworu for a certain project, probably not a coincidence. The two of them worked well together, able to fill the air with idle conversation while they wrote and researched. Asuka wouldn't admit it, but she was envious of their relationship. It had happened so fast, so suddenly too. Maybe Asuka had never gone about it the right way, but she'd always wanted to forage a friendship with Shinji. She was just too stubborn to do so. And that Kaworu, a complete stranger could just fly in like this and sweep Shinji off his feet... it was frustrating to her.

"I thought you didn't get close to anyone, you idiot..." Asuka mumbled.

"Pilot Soryu,"

Sitting up slightly, Asuka turned and stared at Rei who stood behind her. The girl's face was blank, as usual. Still as much of a walking robot as ever.

"Miss Misato suggested I spend more time with you" Rei said quietly. "So can we work on the project together?"

"Sorry but no" Asuka replied, turning from her and pointing her nose up into the air. "I'd rather jump off a cliff. And anyways, I have Hikari to work with me."

Giggling caused Asuka to notice Hikari and Toji at the back of the class. They were sitting together, writing notes. Partners. The redhead did a jaw drop that might have looked comical had it been anyone else. Then she glared. Her eyes scanned the classroom. Everyone had a partner. The only one left was the girl behind her. She growled and faced Rei, standing up in her chair.

"Fine! We'll split up the work then!"

Rei was baffled as Asuka shoved several papers into the girl's arms. Rei walked back over to her desk, taking her seat and spreading the notes over the surface of her desk. Asuka, fuming, went back to sit in her own desk. At that moment, she hated everyone.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: The AR chapter. Fun stuff! KS fans, there's not really any in this one... sorry to disappoint.

_The corridor was empty as the pale girl walked alone. She tugged her uniform down after having changed out of her plugsuit. She stopped walking abruptly, however, when she encountered Misato standing there. Misato regarded her with a worn out look. _

_"Hello, Rei. How's it going?"_

_Rei bowed politely. "Just fine, miss." _

_Misato smiled wearily and her eyes flickered from Rei to elsewhere. The younger girl stood, watching Misato curiously until the woman returned from her daydream. _

_"Oh, sorry. I guess I've been worrying... about Asuka lately."_

_"Pilot Soryu?" Rei asked, raising her head. _

_"Yeah." Misato rubbed the back of her head. "She's been really miserable lately, since Nagisa's shown up, really. She even ran away for a while."_

_Rei recalled that unusual night but said nothing. _

_"I guess she's jealous of him" Misato said, laughing uneasily. "As weird as it sounds."_

_"Jealous?" It seemed to be the last word Rei would use to describe pilot Soryu. _

_"Mm... She pushes people away, but at the same time she expects they'll come to her. She's like... everyone to some extent I guess." _

_"Pilot Soryu is alone..." Rei said quietly, more to herself than to Misato. _

_"Yeah. I wonder if this is selfish of me to ask but... maybe you could help her out a bit. She needs a friend her own age who has some idea of what she's going through, you know?"_

_"I could try and befriend her... If that's what you wish of me."_

"I'm going to Rei's" Asuka said flatly once dinner was through. She pushed back from the table and rose, collecting her dishes. Misato set her beer can on the tabletop. Shinji held his chopsticks precariously close to his mouth, which was now agape.

There was the sound of running water, clinking dishes in the sink, and then Asuka headed to her room to retrieve her backpack. She paused in the kitchen where Shinji and Misato remained. Shinji's comical reaction had changed to one of puzzlement. Misato was just grinning broadly. Asuka felt the need to explain herself. "We're stuck together on a project. It's our summative; we _have _to do well on this." Asuka turned and walked off. "And I don't trust her to do even her half by herself. She'll just screw it up!"

The front door opened and then slammed. The apartment became quiet. Penpen waddled into the kitchen at that moment, looking as confused as ever. Shinji finally sent Misato a quizzical look.

"Asuka and Ayanami are friends...?"

"Not friends exactly" Misato answered, smirking with amusement. "But it's about damned time they learn to at least treat each other civilly." Misato tilted her head back, taking another sip of beer.

Shinji rolled his eyes, picking at his meal. "That goes double for Asuka."

It took a lot of courage for Asuka to step into Rei's apartment yet again. Still, it seemed easier the more she did it. Each time she went in, the redhead felt as if she was admitting defeat, something she hated. But she also felt trapped. These situations seemed unavoidable. As she walked into the dim apartment, Asuka's first words once inside were about Rei adjusting the lightning.

Once they were settled on the living room floor, Asuka began taking out her notes from her backpack. She set them down and then held out her hand to Rei. "Alright, what have you done, Wondergirl? Nothing I bet."

Rei said nothing, handing her the pages she'd done on their project. Asuka skimmed through them, impressed at least by how many she'd completed in a single day. But she wasn't completely sure of what it all said. Asuka's own kanji was a little like simple speech in the way she wrote. Not everything was understandable to her as of yet.

Rei's red eyes remained locked on the other girl until Asuka finally glanced up at her in annoyance. "Well, it'll do" the redhead huffed, flinging the papers back to Rei. Rei sorted them, getting the feeling that Asuka hadn't been able to read it very well. "Alright, this is what I've wrote." Asuka took her half out. Rei studied it for several moments before she raised her head.

"Pilot Soryu, they don't link"

"_What_?"

"Our reports are two halves of the same one, so they should link. But our ideas do not."

Asuka sat back, frowning. "Well, that's why I'm here, isn't it" she said in a mocking tone. "To make sure screw ups like these don't happen!"

"Perhaps I should write your report for you...?" Rei offered. "You could tell me what to write. I know you can't write in kanji."

For once, Asuka didn't become so defensive. She just sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Yeah, it's harder than I thought it would be. But I'm learning." She looked back at Rei, pursing her lips together. "For once, she comes up with a good idea. I'll dictate my report to you, you write it down."

Asuka shifted, sitting in a cross-legged position on the floor and began voicing her ideas to Rei, who scrawled them down almost as fast as they were spoken, occasionally offering help. Asuka actually agreed with most of what Rei suggested. A couple hours passed and then Asuka abruptly stopped, sighing. "I'm done for now. It's a lot harder than you think, just talking."

Rei set the paper and pencil down. "We'll continue later."

Asuka glanced at the clock and frowned a little. Rei stood up slowly, gathering her things together. "Miss Misato will want you home now" Rei said quietly. She glanced down at Asuka, looking a little confused. The girl sat on the floor with her knees pulled up to her chest. Her eyes gazed out at nothing.

"I guess so... but... I really can't stand Misato and Shinji these days. I can't stand them."

Rei said nothing. Asuka raised her head sharply. "God, look at me, acting this way..." she said, smiling sadly. "I'm nothing... nothing to anyone you know. Nothing to... _him_."

Rei crouched down to the girl's current level, placing her palms on the floor in front of her to steady herself. She regarded Asuka with concern. "Is it Ikari?"

Asuka tilted her head back, smiling and closing her eyes. "And what's the use?"

"Pilot Soryu..."

"What's the use talking to an emotionless doll about it?"

Rei's eyes hardened slightly. "I am not a doll."

"You are... You'd do anything you're ordered to. You'd kill yourself if you were told to, wouldn't you?" Asuka's voice lacked its usual edge.

"Of course."

Asuka laughed dryly, looking back at Rei. "Life has value, yanno. We don't know if there's anything before life or anything after life. Not for sure. So why not savour the time we have right now? The time we know we're guaranteed to have."

The pale girl was taken aback by the words. She sat back slightly, blinking and thinking of them. It made sense, didn't it? To just live? But Rei always felt she didn't live as others did. She wasn't born as others were.

"I guess you don't get it" Asuka sighed. "Typical. You really aren't all that observant are you? Like Shinji."

Rei hung her head, almost shamefully. "I'm sorry."

"Ah, well there's no reason to get all worked up about it now, geez." Asuka rolled her eyes a bit. "I just... ugh... I don't want to go home!"

Rei's reply was almost automatic. "Then stay here."

Now Asuka surprised herself when she almost said yes. That right now she'd rather stay there than in the apartment with Shinji and Misato... It troubled her a bit. Didn't Rei represent everything that had gone wrong in her life? Such feelings were still there, but they'd diminished significantly. She'd been more focused on other things as of late.

"Misato and Shinji would think me mad if I did"

"Oh..." Asuka studied Rei's face carefully. Did she look disappointed? Rei always seemed to be perpetually disappointed with life.

"But anywhere is better than with them"

"I'll set you up a place to sleep then" Rei said, walking off. Asuka watched her and then sighed in spite of herself. Staying here wilfully... She really had gone mad...

Shinji was watching TV when the phone rang. He stood up and walked over to answer it. "Hello?"

"Shinji, tell Misato I'm staying at Rei's tonight."

"What! Why?"

"Don't be so stupid! I didn't feel like walking home!" She hung up and sat by the phone, moodily.

Shinji stared at the phone in his hand, dumbfounded. He hung up.

Asuka had never been in Rei's room before. She wandered towards the open door after a moment, seeing Rei standing over her dresser with her back facing the other girl. Asuka surveyed the room with a rather critical eye. Pretty plain, but just as she'd expect from Rei. Asuka hung in the doorway, as if crossing the threshold was a taboo. Leaving her usual problems with Rei at the door, Asuka stepped inside, half expecting the world to end.

Rei jumped slightly with a gasp, whirling around to face Asuka. The redhead noted that in the girl's hands was a pair of glasses. With one swift movement, Rei opened her dresser drawer and put them inside as if they were reason for great shame. Asuka put her hands on her hips, the usual scowl crossing her face.

"Well? Aren't you going to make a bed for me?" she asked. "Or do you expect me to sleep on the floor without any blankets or pillows?"

"You may sleep in my bed. I apologize, I don't own a sleeping bag for you to use..." There really wasn't a use for one. No one ever came to stay at Rei's apartment. And the only people who'd ever been in it were Shinji and Asuka. Rei was inexperienced with entertaining guests. It seemed only right to allow Asuka to use her bed.

Asuka eyed Rei's bed. A real bed anyways, not a bed on the floor like where she usually slept at Misato's. She looked at it with uncertainty, stepping closer. She knew she should have felt disgust at the very thought of sleeping in a bed that Wondergirl had used. It probably smelled of her. Maybe she slept without clothing in that bed. It should've made Asuka sick to think about. That her skin should touch the sheets that had touched Rei's skin. But strangely... it didn't. The only thought that crossed her mind was how she _ought_ to have felt that way.

The German girl reluctantly sat on the side of the bed, testing it with her hands. It wasn't even that uncomfortable. "And where will you sleep?" Asuka asked.

"On the couch, I guess..."

Asuka's blue eyes studied the other girl. Another forbidden thought entered her head. _She's so pretty..._ She almost fell off the bed at the thought. But again she was surprised that disgust hadn't come to her for thinking such things. Rei _was_ pretty. Even the first time Asuka saw her, she felt a little jealous that she'd have to compete with such a pretty girl. Asuka knew she was nothing special in appearance. _No wonder everyone likes her better._

"That will be alright, won't it?" Rei asked, interrupting Asuka's thoughts.

"I'm the one staying over, I should sleep on the couch" Asuka said sternly.

"You're a guest in my home" Rei pointed out. Asuka looked at her hand resting on the quilt.

"It's a big bed... big enough for two people" she said quietly. She tried to appear indifferent with it all. Her face was reddening along her cheekbones.

As it turned out, the bed wasn't really big enough to give both of them sufficient room. Because of this, Asuka found she was lying awfully close to Rei. Too close for comfort. She couldn't understand her own body, incredibly hot with her heart thudding. It was just Rei, after all! It wasn't as though she were sharing a bed with Kaji or even Shinji. Rei was another girl. Asuka slept over at Hikari's sometimes and she'd share a bed with _her_ so why did it feel so uncomfortable?

The lights were out; the room was dark but not entirely impossible to see in. For a long time, Asuka lay on her back and gazed at the ceiling. Her breathing was irregular, she was aware of every breath. She wanted to slap some sense into herself.

Turning her head to one side, Asuka was surprised to see Rei still very much awake. Still, she seemed oblivious to Asuka, staring off at nothing. Asuka's heart thudded faster as she took in Rei's soft features. Her skin was like porcelain. She really was a doll.

With a swift and deliberate movement, Asuka rolled away from Rei, her back facing her. She put her hands to her head, shutting her eyes. How disgusting she was being. Why was she here? Why was she doing this? Rei was an emotionless doll, a doll that did what she was told and nothing more. She represented the doll her mother had cradled close to her in the few months before her death.

_"I'll live for myself!"_

Asuka thought she loved Kaji; it was something she wasn't afraid to admit. He was attractive to her, both physically and in personality. But his heart belonged to Misato. Asuka was just a child in his eyes. Shinji... well Asuka didn't know what she felt for him. Love or hate. She was overcome with grief because Shinji let down his defences so easily with Kaworu. But he'd never done that with her... She wasn't important to him. She was just some girl.

Curling up slightly, Asuka let a silent sob wrack her body. She made no noise but her throat constricted and she covered her face in her hands. She'd always been alone, but she'd never felt so utterly alone. At that moment, the feeling was unbearable.

_I can't live for myself at all... _

She needed someone, anyone, to ease the pain of loneliness. She felt a hand on her shoulder and Asuka uttered a gasp, rolling over and seeing Rei sitting up and leaning over her. She looked concerned. At least as concerned as Rei could look. Asuka knew her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. She knew she'd run out of defences. She'd run out of excuses.

Asuka reached up towards the pale girl. How she looked so stunning in the moonlight. Asuka felt like she'd been separated from her body. She felt like she was watching it all unfold from the doorway. It may as well have been someone else in her body. She put her hands on Rei's face. She leaned up, her eyes closing, only slightly aware of the sticky tears in her lashes. She was aware that Rei drew in a sharp breath.

Contact was made.

An explosion of white light went off in Asuka's head, leaving her dazed and numb. Her body moved without her control, pressing her lips eagerly against Rei's. She fell back against the bed, unable to retain her current position. Rei tumbled over her but managed to brace herself with her arms. She stared down at Asuka, eyes wide.

"Pilot Soryu..." she squeaked. Asuka ignored her slight protest. She grabbed the girl's arms and urged her downwards. Rei complied with her without a struggle. Asuka pressed her mouth to Rei's once more. She urged it open and slid her tongue inside. Rei stiffened, a slight cry emitting from her mouth before she succumbed. Asuka didn't know if Rei wanted this or not. Dolls didn't really have wants, did they?

Swinging her around, Asuka managed to reverse their positions. Now it was Rei beneath her, staring up at the other girl. Rei, braced against the sheets, clear fear and uncertainty on her face. Asuka seemed grounded by it and uttered a cry, taking her hands off of Rei's arms. She got off of her, embarrassed. More than embarrassed. She felt exposed. She crawled across the bed, away from Rei. The other girl, in a daze, sat up slowly. She looked down, touching her fingers to her lips.

She looked over at Asuka's form, laying on its side and facing away from her. Rei felt awkward but little else. She didn't feel disgust towards Asuka. She crawled towards Asuka's form but she didn't know what to say. Then she heard a whimper. Asuka's shoulders trembled and she wept. Rei lay next to her. "Pilot Soryu?"

"You didn't feel anything!" Asuka sobbed, her voice muffled into her pillow. "You really are just a doll! You could at least hate me for it!"

"I don't hate you..." Rei said quietly.

"You're just indifferent to me! You always have been! Everyone has! I wish I were dead!" She gripped her head again, as if willing herself to shut off from the world. Rei could do little but listen to her crying. And in her opinion, it was the most heartbreaking sound she'd ever heard.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Evangelion is very complex. Nothing is in black and white. I wanted to make that the same for this fic. Relationships among the cast of NGE can never be simply black and white.

The next morning, Asuka and Rei exchanged few words. The German girl left soon after waking up, walking in the direction of her apartment. Rei stood at her front window, watching Asuka walking away from the building and down the street without so much as glancing back. Rei wrung her hands together, a rather unusual thing for her to do. She didn't know what she wanted to do. But she'd been feeling rather hopeful in the past few days. It seemed as though Asuka had been opening up to her. Rei had never particularly cared about Asuka until recently.

Her eyes widened at her own realization. Why, she cared about Asuka. It was a rare thing. The girl really only cared about Shinji and Gendo. She'd never made any friends on her own and she never really wanted to. So the need to suddenly have Asuka around as her friend was unnerving to her.

"Why do I feel like this...?" she asked herself, resting her forehead against the window pane. She closed her eyes, unable to clear her mind of Asuka's face leaning down towards her in the dark. The taste of her lips... would she ever be rid of it?

Shinji got up sometime in the later part of the morning. Wearing a t-shirt and shorts, he wandered out of his room scratching himself and yawning. In the kitchen he happened to notice Asuka, lying with her arms on the table and her head resting in them. He approached her with caution, wondering if she was asleep. Had Misato missed her when she left for work? Or maybe Asuka had just come home after Misato had gone.

"Asuka?" Shinji asked, leaning across the table and daring to prod the girl in the head. She moved, raising her head just enough for her eyes to be seen and Shinji jumped back a little. Asuka regarded him with a bored look on her face. She hardly looked in the mood to be bothered, but Shinji decided to press her for answers to her unusual behaviour as of late. However, Asuka asked a question first.

"Are you and Kaworu a couple?" She said it with a tone of disgust in her voice.

Shinji took another step back, bewildered. Was it obvious? If she knew, how many others knew? He didn't know why he didn't want people to know. Maybe he was ashamed... Not of Kaworu, but of himself. The two of them, they hadn't really talked about their relationship, what it was, what it meant. In fact, they usually just behaved as friends would and nothing more. Shinji very rarely took charge of situations so he let his own confusion slide. It was just easier to unquestionably accept Kaworu's kisses and intimacy.

Asuka grinned a little when the response was delayed. "Do you kiss him, Shinji? Wouldn't you rather kiss me?"

Shinji gripped one of the chairs around the table to keep himself from bolting into his room. "I... I don't know..." He couldn't even be sure what question he was answering.

Asuka leapt up from her chair and Shinji almost cowered from her. "Idiot! Are you so blind!"

"Blind to what?" Shinji asked, his tone taking on a defensive edge. "I don't know what the hell is going on with you!"

Asuka stormed over to him. "You! I want you, damn it! Me!"

Shinji's eyes widened and his face reddened. He turned his head away from her slowly, looking at the floor. Being desirable to Kaworu had been confusing enough, now Asuka? "Wh-what?"

"I can't believe I have to come out and say it!" Asuka cried. "You never pay attention to anything, do you!"

"I... I'm sorry. I didn't know..." Shinji said quietly. If he could've disappeared at that moment, he would have.

Asuka glared at him, but there was apparent hurt in her eyes as well. Shinji was afraid of it. He pressed his mouth into a thin line, taking another step back. This time he bumped into the counter and jumped in surprise, staggering over and knocking a pot of coffee off as well on the way down. The black liquid spilled across the floor, steam rising up from it. Shinji sat on the floor, staring up at Asuka still, ignorant of the mess.

Asuka stepped towards him and crouched down. Shinji made a sound of protest. Asuka leaned in and kissed him roughly, pinching his nose. But all too quickly, it was over. She parted from him, pushing him backwards and standing up. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Well I can't say I'd want to waste my time kissing you!" she said, turning and leaving the kitchen.

Shinji remained on the floor staring with wide eyes. Asuka had done that? Moody, cold Asuka? He almost willed it to be a dream.

Misato descended the elevator at Nerv HQ to the cage. She hadn't brought Shinji along for this. But standing next to her was Kaworu, fully dressed in his plugsuit. Misato admitted she didn't know the boy very well; he certainly had an air of mystery about him with his remarkably high sync ratios and unwavering optimism. She knew Shinji seemed to like him, at least. And that was enough for her. Shinji was usually a hard person to get close to. That Kaworu could do it, become a true friend to Shinji, it made Misato want to try harder to be a proper surrogate parent to him and Asuka.

The woman glanced at Kaworu who remained stoic, staring ahead of him with a tense look on his face. "Nagisa... this will be your Eva" Misato said quietly. "Unit 03..."

The descent stopped and the doors opened. Commander Ikari and Professor Fuyutsuki were already there. They barely paid attention to Misato and Kaworu as they approached. Kaworu raised his head, gazing upwards at Unit 03, allowing a smile to cross his face. The Evangelion was rather sinister looking. It was a dark blue color, almost black. It remained motionless but majestic looking. "So this is to be my Eva..." Kaworu observed. He narrowed his eyes, frowning a bit.

The entry plug was inserted and Kaworu sat inside as it filled with LCL fluid. He shut his eyes, waiting. Before too long, the screen around him flickered to life and he was able to see outside the Evangelion. Misato's voice sounded from a radio inside.

"Nagisa, we're putting you through some tests, alright? We want to see how effective the Evangelion really is."

"Roger" Kaworu answered. He grinned. "I'm ready..."

The night air was fairly warm and the sky was a deep blue, dotted with many stars. The chirping of crickets provided an endless sort of music, one that wasn't entirely heard, but missed if it were to go silent. Shinji lay on his back in the grass on the outskirts of his neighbourhood where there was a grove of trees. He had no interest in returning to where Asuka surely awaited him. If Misato was going to be out all night, he may as well stay out too.

He sighed, rolling onto his side where he was shocked to see something blocking his view of the nearby highway. Raising his head, he realized a girl was sitting next to him with her knees pulled up to her chest, the soft breeze rustling her hair.

"A-Ayanami!" Shinji exclaimed, scrambling up. "How did you-!" His slight panic died down quickly, however, when he noticed the forlorn expression on Rei's face. "What's the matter?"

"Pilot Soryu..." Rei answered after a slight pause. She sighed, looking down. Shinji studied her face, blinking in confusion. He sat back, using his arms to support himself and gazed up at the night sky.

"Asuka's been really weird lately" Shinji mumbled. "But, you never really cared about her before, right? So why now?"

No response.

"Anyways, I asked Misato about it. She said that being a girl at this age and being an Eva pilot... something or other..." His eyes glanced at Rei again and he smiled awkwardly. "I'm sorry, I guess I'm not helping am I?"

"Ikari... I want to... see her again" Rei said, her voice barely louder than a whisper. "But I don't know what sort of things I should say to her. I don't know how to act around other people..."

There was suddenly a loud rumble in the distance that shook the ground slightly. Both Shinji and Rei started, looking around. The trees rustled and several panicked birds took to the sky. Shinji stood up.

"What the hell!"

Rei stood up as well. "Something big."

"An angel? Maybe?"

The thundering sound, like huge feet walking on the earth, grew closer. Shinji and Rei stood, tense. "Whatever it is... it's coming" Shinji said between gritted teeth. He grabbed Rei's arm and pulled her, breaking into a run in the opposite direction. Rei nearly fell over but managed to regain her balance and she staggered after him. A loud screaming noise sounded through the trees as the two children ran.

Shinji pulled Rei along, continuing to run but as he looked over his shoulder he saw a massive hand coming down towards them. Without looking where he was going, he tripped and fell, causing Rei to fall down with him. The two of them stared up at the hand. It came crashing into the ground, Shinji and Rei in the space between one of its fingers. Shinji screamed in terror and tried to scramble up. The hand curled around him and Rei and they found themselves in its grip, being lifted into the air.

Through the spaces between the fingers, Shinji stared out as he was held towards a giant face. The face of an Evangelion, although not one he was familiar with. Rei stared out as well, eyes wide. "Eva Unit 03" she said. Shinji stared at her.

"Kaworu's Eva!"

"Shinji! Shinji!" From the Evangelion came Misato's frantic voice, clearly speaking through a speaker of some sort from inside the Evangelion. "Eva Unit 03 has gone berserk! Hang in there, the umbilical cable has been cut!"

Shinji and Rei were held over the Eva's head. Shinji frowned. "Misato!" he yelled as loud as he could. "Is Kaworu inside!"

"He is, but we can't get a reading from him! We don't have any contact!"

In the control room, Misato, along with several other Nerv employees, was staring at the screen that was directly connected with Unit 03's vision. She was able to see both Shinji and Rei in its grip. "How much longer do we have to wait!" Misato demanded, turning towards Maya.

"20 more seconds before all power is shut off!"

"19... 18... 17... 16... 15... 14... 13... 12... 11... 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1..."

The glowing eyes of Eva Unit 03 suddenly flickered and turned off. It slouched forward, all power gone from it. Still, it remained gripping Shinji and Rei before it fell over onto its side, smashing several trees. Shinji and Rei screamed as the hand came crashing down, hitting the ground. The fingers didn't uncurl, but Shinji managed to slip through them anyways. He ran from the hand and along the side of the fallen Eva, to where the entry plug was inserted. It popped out, orange LCL fluid being expelled in all directions. Shinji scrambled up the side of the Evangelion, but was unable to reach the entry plug from where it was suspended in the air.

"Kaworu!" Shinji screamed. "Kaworu! Answer me! Are you alright! Answer me!"

Rei slid out from between the clenched fingers, staring at Shinji.

Within the hour, Misato was standing before Commander Ikari's desk where the brooding man sat, looking at her through dark glasses. "The rescue was a success" Misato said. "The pilot has sustained minimal physical damage. Unit 03's physical damage can be repaired within a week."

"And what exactly led to Unit 03's loss of control?" Gendo Ikari asked, surprisingly calm considering the circumstances.

"The Magi are still analyzing that..." Misato answered. "Considering Nagisa's sync ratio, it seems unlikely that it was his fault. It was likely an error in the Eva itself."

"Impossible" Gendo answered. "Where are the first and third children?"

"Shinji's in the hospital ward, Rei's returned to her home."

Shinji had his head in the boy's lap, a troubled look on his face while a pale hand gently stroked his hair. "I thought something bad was going to happen to you..." Shinji said, quietly. "And I never thought I could... be so afraid of that."

Kaworu, heavily bandaged, smiled down at Shinji before he sighed and lay back in his bed. "I saw you in my hand..." Kaworu murmured. He took his hand off Shinji's head and held it up to his face. "I felt you in my hand... I could've killed you..." He curled his fingers into a tight fist. "Is there supposed to be a death? Is it what God wills?" He rolled over, curling up. Shinji sat up, frowning.

"Kaworu, I'm sorry..."

Red eyes gazed dully at the far wall. "For what?"

"For... for being so stupid..."

"You needn't apologize"

"I don't want to push you away anymore, Kaworu."

Kaworu felt Shinji touch his shoulder. The dark haired boy laughed dryly to himself. "I've only known you... a little while, Kaworu... but I feel like you've always been with me. Is that weird of me to say?"

Kaworu faced him, smiling. "Not at all."

"What I mean is... well... I don't really know what I mean..."

"You don't have to figure it all out right away, Shinji" Kaworu assured him. He kissed the boy's forehead. "But it's getting late; you really should be going home..."

"I guess. I'll see you then... Kaworu..."

Once Shinji left, Kaworu lay back, sighing and relaxing once more. He gazed upwards through half-lidded eyes. He looked over at the tube under his arm where he was receiving blood. The blood was orange.

"What! Are you sure!" Misato exclaimed, grasping the phone in her hands. She trembled slightly, unable to believe her own ears.

"Yes. Of course I am" Ritsuko answered in her usual official Nerv voice. She seemed neither surprised nor sympathetic. "Kaworu Nagisa is an angel, without a doubt. His admittance in the hospital ward gave it away. His blood is none other than LCL fluid."

"God... I can't believe this..." Misato said, having to take a seat for a moment. "This is insane..." She cupped her hand to her forehead. "What will I tell Shinji?"

Asuka peered around the wall silently, unnoticed by Misato.

"The truth" Ritsuko answered.

"Shinji's so close to Nagisa... the fact that he's an angel... well... what will it do to him...?"

Asuka's eyes widened and she opened her mouth in a silent gasp. She retreated to her room, sitting her sleeping bag in shock. She hated Kaworu, but she never imagined he could be an angel. It seemed impossible. Her eyes looked towards the door as Shinji past.

"Shinji!"

The boy stopped in front of the door, looking warily at the girl. "What?"

"...About Kawor-"

"Shinji!" Misato's voice came sharply from the kitchen. Shinji frowned at the unusually serious tone in her voice. He looked back at Asuka, shrugging, and walked off. Asuka scrambled up, running for the doorway and gripping the side. She watched Shinji wander into the kitchen where a grim-faced Misato was waiting for him.


End file.
